Hello and Welcome!

"In West Philadelphia, born and raised, on the playground was where I spent most of my days..." 

If you are confused, we are not from the same generation! 😂

Seriously though... 

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My time on this earth began March 1st, 1987. I moved frequently throughout my youth [military brat] before my family eventually settled down in San Antonio, Texas. That is where I mostly grew up and claim as home. I eventually graduated from Alamo Heights High School before deciding to go to college literally just down the street from my high school. I didn't plan it that way. That's just how the universe delt my cards. I had dreamed about school in California or Hawaii... maybe be a beach bum... that didn't happen. 

I attended the University of the Incarnate Word on an ROTC Scholarship and graduated in 2009 with my bachelor of science degree in nursing. I took the board exam and became a registered nurse. Upon graduation, I Commissioned as an Officer in the U.S. Army Nurse Corps. I deployed to Iraq with the 86th Combat Support Hospital in support of Operation New Dawn. I eventually separated from the Army, but I continued working as a full-time Intensive Care Unit nurse for a time before deciding on a career-path change. You could say that change was a midlife crisis at 32 years old.

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What? A midlife crisis at 32?  Yup! If I'm honest though... I think I was starting to go through my life crisis around the age of 24... Everything I had achieved up to that point in my life seemed insignificant. I had 1) graduated high school, 2) graduated with my BSN, 3) I had become a registered nurse, and 4) I was a Commissioned Officer in the U.S. Army. But I kept feeling like there was something else that I was supposed to be doing. From 24 to 32, I had a few more life changes and achievements... I got married, had three kiddos, separated from the Army, changed jobs a few times (never really finding true job satisfaction), started my master of science degree, wrote and self-published three fantasy novels, and had a ton of life experiences that just left me wondering.... "Who am I?" "What am I doing?"  "What is my purpose in life?" 

 

Possible TRIGGERS ahead... 

 

What kind of life experiences? Well, I hit rock bottom mentally. Severe PTSD and anxiety led to major depression. That sent me on a downward spiral with both homicidal and suicidal ideations. Knowing that those thoughts were wrong led to irritability and frequent anger outbursts completely out of proportion to the offense. I developed self hate; I hated the person I was. Sure... I presented being happy, successful, and loving to the outside world. I got lost in that presentation. And I despised it because I knew while parts of it were true, others weren't. I knew I needed help, and I sought it. The medications helped with the mental/mood aspect but not with the soul purpose seeking. 

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In 2021, I separated from my then husband, and our divorce was finalized in February of 2022. I don't t like to talk bad about my ex-husband. First, he's the father of my children; second, he's a good man. We just didn't work out well together as husband and wife. However, some of the exchanges we had are part of the reason why I am here today. 

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I didn't grow up in a household where it was mandatory to go to church every Sunday. I did grow up learning about God, about Jesus, and that I was a Christian. It just wasn't forced to go worship in a specific building. My ex-husband and I both didn't go to church when we met. However, we both started to attend when we had our first child because we wanted to start our family off "right." The different churches we attended, mostly Catholic before switching to Non-Denominational Christian, always felt like they were lacking somehow though. I always felt that I was an imposter. I always felt like I was forcing myself to accept the teachings because having any doubt was wrong. My ex-husband and I decided we would start reading the Bible... The more I read, the more I questioned. So, reading the Bible again sparked the questions inside of me... "Who am I?" "What is my purpose?" My ex-husband kept telling me my purpose was to be a writer, an author... I agree I have a gift to write... but that answer never satisfied me. I knew... somehow... deep down... I had not found the purpose of my soul. Reading the Bible led to the Quran, the Vedas, the Tripitaka, and this rekindled the flame of my spiritual journey. My ex-husband introduced me to angel numbers, numerology and life-path numbers. That only perplexed me even more on my own search because it validated my soul had a purpose... but I still had no idea what that was.  However, my exploration was put on pause after discovering a pastor that preached what my heart believed... to an extent.  

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Fast forward to January-ish 2022, a period between separating from my ex-husband and the official divorce, I had the most significant mental/emotional breakdown of my life. It was around this time I really started questioning the meaning of my life. Did it even matter? 

I started deeply reflecting on everything... I thought back to a time in my teens when I went to the Texas Renaissance Festival with my family. I had a Tarot card and palm reading then... oddly enough.. what I had learned then had already come to pass. I thought of a fortune telling I had as a child. It was a childish request, but it had a memorable and validated answer.  I happened to be in New York City with my sisters at the time when we met a fortune teller... My sisters and I had been arguing about who would be tallest when we grew up. So, we asked who was going to be the tallest. Without hesitation, she pointed to my younger sister... Yup... she is the tallest. She is obviously taller than our older sister by a good 4 inches and probably 6 inches for me. I also remembered a time when my mother asked a Reiki master to channel healing energy to one of my uncles (her brother) who had suffered a massive heart attack and was in the hospital.

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Toward the end of March 2022... not long after my birthday... I kept seeing shops that would say things like, "Psychic Readings" or "Palmistry." My kiddos started asking about Zodiac signs and Chinese Zodiac signs. I decided to start exploring more spiritual aspects to try and manage all the negative energy and feelings I was dealing with. I eventually decided to buy a Beginners Tarot set with chakra crystals and an Oracle deck with messages from the ascended masters to get me started. I didn't get far in 2022... My focus was having ankle surgery to repair two torn tendons, recovering and finishing my graduate degree which was completed in early December 2022. 

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Early in January 2023, my spiritual side started calling to me again. I again kept feeling like there was something I was missing in my life. I started seeing more Angel Numbers... I started seeing more animals but feeling like they were trying to tell me something... I started to feel the pull to delve deeper into the books I had previously bought but hadn't read or finished reading.  So, I started meditating, spending time in quiet, and just listening. And that is when I heard my intuition and realized it was my Spiritual Awakening. In that moment, I knew I needed to set up my prayer/meditation space... But I hesitated.  

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I felt embarrassed... ashamed even... because I wasn't focusing on just my Bible. So, I set up my space inside of my closet... away from everyone else. I was even afraid my kiddos would see me! So, I prayed and meditated alone, hiding like I was doing something wrong. Then one day, I forgot to lock the door! My little people walked in, and the questions began. My first response was silent screams of, "Sh*t!" and "F*ck!" Why though? Because I knew their father would not approve. Why did that matter? Because he is still a significant influence in their lives. Then I thought... "Wait... then what am I?" I realized then that I had just as much authority over what to teach my children as their father did. Just because he didn't believe or accept what I had come to believe did not mean my beliefs were not valid. So, I welcomed my little people, and I began the explanation of what I believe, how it was similar to their father's beliefs, and finally how it differed. 

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Not long into my Spiritual Awakening did I feel my spirit guides, my spirit team, demand that I accept who I am. My spirit team demanded that I move my prayer space out of the closet. I was reminded that I walk in Divine Light and my Soul's Purpose cannot be fulfilled if I am hiding in a closet. So, I learned to listen and obey by setting my altar and prayer space out for all to see as they enter my home.

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So, what is my Soul's Higher Purpose? 

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To serve humanity through love and acceptance of all (no matter what belief you have) so we may all achieve higher consciousness.

 

*Please Note - I have left out so many details from my spiritual journey!!! If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to reach out to me at seeker@uni101.day